Your Hat is Ugly

Nicole: I thought I'd start this off on the right foot, with a seasonal hat.

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Nicole: or, if you're watching during the big game,

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Kazh: It definitely looks like the turkey shat the guy out
Kazh: His facial expression seems to support that
Nicole: watch your french!
Nicole: He "laid" an "egg"
Kazh: I don't speak French!
Kristin: Maybe it's a puppet and the guy, looking pretty dimwitted as it is, misunderstood it.

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Kristin: Is it angry?
Kristin: It looks kind of angry.
Kazh: How does it walk on those spindly little legs?
Kristin: Wtf. It's $32
Kristin: +5.99 in shipping
Nicole: It looks like some very pissed mom took scissors to her kid's sock monkey because the kid wouldn't go to school without it.

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Nicole: To cool your face down after you've blushed with embarrassment for wearing the fan.
Kristin: Oh good. I was wondering if there was a way I could keep cool and look stupid at the same time.
Kazh: It's a great way to keep mosquitoes out of your face, I bet
Kristin: lol Kazh, fail
Kazh: and to splatter yourself with shredded insect remains too.
Kristin: oooh nice save.

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Kristin: It's what French people wear to the beach.
Kazh: The ONLY thing they wear
Nicole: So, I can pay $130 to wear a basket on my head? Really?
Kazh: It's for smuggling non-free trade tortillas into the country.

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Kristin: If we could attach a coat and some mittens to this, you'd totally be set.

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Nicole: If only there was some practical way to tell people I'm rich...
Kazh: And only spend 7-8 bucks to do it. I'm not made of money!
Kristin: Straight up gangsta. I'm getting one.
Kazh: I already HAVE one
Kazh: Would it kill my credibility if I mention that I am wearing my bear-claw slippers right now?
Kristin: It makes you less gangsta
Kazh: Thank God for this gat I have tucked in my pants, then.


Nicole: oh no
Nicole: oh no
Nicole: oh no

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Kristin: What is that for?
Kazh: But now no one will notice you're bald!
Kazh: They'll be too distracted by that STUPID hat you're wearing
Kristin: It gives you credibility on the golf course.
Kristin: Makes you look distinguished.
Nicole: I'm kind of at a loss for this company's reasoning
Kazh: The company is probably at a loss as well...
Kristin: They probably could use a bail out.

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Kristin: That hat was clearly designed with a spirograph.
Kazh: Honestly, my grandma probably already has it.

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Kazh: At least if a hot girl has that hat, you can tell right away whether she is secretly crazy
Kazh: I guess "secretly" wouldn't apply, in that case.


Nicole: Kazh, you're from California.
Nicole: Can you tell me if wearing this might get me killed?

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Kazh: Well, you're white.
Kazh: So "yes"
Kazh: I mean, I would probably kill you.
Nicole: Well, yeah, but not for the hat.
Kazh: I think if Amazon has ANY sort of conscience they wouldn't even sell that hat to white people.
Kazh: ...or black people, for that matter
Kristin: Please select your race before proceeding.
Kazh: Who buys their gangsta gear on Amazon?

Nicole: Well, since we're coming up on Christmas, it's only right to make sure you're properly adorned.

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Kazh: "White Christmas" is CLEARLY a double entendre.
Nicole: I don't get it. The hat's mostly blue.

Nicole: And for the non-denominational Christmas holiday...

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Kristin: It's a post modern interpretation of a Christmas tree.
Kazh: I'm pretty sure the Whos in Whoville were Christian, Nik.
Kristin: Ah, ok, so the Grinch is actually Satan?

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Nicole: I'm deeply saddened that the glasses don't come with the hat.
Nicole: How am I supposed to make my adult or pet look festive?
Kristin: Lol
Kristin: Do you think I can put it on a wild animal? It says people or pets.
Nicole: I don't think a skunk would mind.
Kazh: Haven't the animals in the zoo suffered enough, Kabbage?
Kristin: I don't know if I'm agreeing to only put it on people or pets when I buy it and as a future lawyer, I need to know these things.

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Nicole: Even their "model" was too embarassed to be seen in public with this "funny" hat
Kazh: Hahahahaha even the MODEL is embarrassed.
Kristin: DAMMIT
Kristin: I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT.
Kazh: I think we were all thinking that, Kabbage.
Kazh: By the way, I have a hat very similar to that.
Kazh: In the interest of full disclosure.
Kristin: It looks like he has masking tape over his eyes actually, which suggests to me that he is not wearing that hat of his own free will.
Nicole: Are we witnesses to a kidnapping?
Kazh: That is why they cropped it so close.
Kazh: So we couldn't see the gun.