Sunday, April 17, 2011
A Wedding Registry OR Why Kristin and Nicole Can Never Marry Even Though It Would Be Legal In Their States
Nicole: This is as good a place to start as any.
Kristin: Ooh, good point.
Nicole: I'm looking for an unnecessary piece of technology that will look ugly mounted on my wall but tell people at the same time that I am incapable of writing a shopping list, and something that will not include my specialized health food items.
Nicole: Also I don't want to have to breathe in dirty air when I go shopping. Thanks.
Kristin: I know you thought you were marrying me for my cooking skills but it's time to come clean. I can't even cook an egg. But luckily, we can just buy this:
Nicole: I need this, to go with the expensive watches I wish I could afford:
Nicole: For the days when our servants are off, I suppose I can cart myself around.
Kristin: Nicole, I know I could get this whisk for $5:
Kristin: but it's simply not a $20 Williams and Sonoma whisk:
Kristin: The price of my whisk is important to me. It's how you know you're successful!
Nicole: I know I'm successful when I don't have to hold my own beer, and I can do it in style.
Nicole: I SAW THIS INFOMERCIAL LAST NIGHT AND I MUST HAVE ONE.
Kristin: A $250 utensil for a $12 meal:
Kristin: I need this. I have no idea what it is, but I don't care. It's $ 800 and I want it:
Nicole: Just because you saw something on the Iron Chef doesn't mean you should try to do it.
Kristin: MY LIFE IS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT WHEN I'M MARRIED. I WILL SUDDENLY BE ABLE TO COOK FANCY THINGS AND ENTERTAIN MY FRIENDS EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Kristin: We need this for the 3 Christmases we spend together before we decided to get divorced because I hate you.
Nicole: It seems at this rate we'll get there in half the time.
Nicole: May as well treat yourself to these:
Kristin: Well you can go ahead and treat yourself to this because I am going to hit you over the head with it:
Kristin: Also, let's get this. But we can *only* use it to grind nutmeg. No other spices, ok?
Kristin: We can have nutmeg in EVERYTHING! Then we can finally be happy.
Nicole: I don't golf,
Nicole: but I think this will be the right size to fit your body in when I find out you've been cheating with the pool boy
Kristin: : ( You know me so well.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Sorry for the extended hiatus, life seems to get in the way.
But we're back, in time for the sunny weather!
But we're back, in time for the sunny weather!
Nicole: Look, they circled the logo multiple times to make sure you don't miss it.
Kristin: Paris Hilton would wear something like that
Kristin: Don't you think?
Nicole: I don't think those are hot enough for her
Kristin: I don't know. They're pretty hot.
Nicole: Life just wouldn't be complete without my Ed Hardy sunglasses.
Kristin: Perfect to accompany you on any daytime date rape at the Jersey Shore.
Nicole: And look, they've got a Swarovski crysyal mermaid, so i can be classy.
Kristin: These are $4.95, but I feel like they should be free from the DJ while he plays Hot Hot Hot.
Nicole: And puts a plastic lei around your neck.Link
Nicole: There is no way these arms can keep these frames on your face.
Kristin: What shape ears do you need to wear those?
Kristin: I bought you these so you can be like your hero, Kanye.
Kristin: I always wonder how people wear those without walking into stuff. I mean, your vision is half blocked
Nicole: They're for peeping toms who venture into public.
Kristin: Maybe that's why Kayne is so mad. He can't see anything
Nicole: All they need is for someone to paint "STOP" in the lenses, so you know to avoid anyone wearing them.
Kristin: I feel like they belong to some 58 year old movie producer who tries to sleep with 19-year-old blondes with fake tits.
Kristin: Picture it.
Nicole: With a combover and a bad tan.
Kristin: And a hot tub.
Nicole: And sandals with a suit.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Gina: No idea.
Kazh: Well, I have epilepsy now, I hope you're happy.
Kazh: $44? Srsly? Unless it comes with a flux capacitor...
Kristin: I want a flux capacitor
Kazh: I DO NOT like the way that tiger is eyeballing that kid's junk.
Nicole: He looks ready to attack.
Gina: Haha ew. I cant get past the junk comment.
Kazh: I'm adding "tiger attack" to my list of "Things I Never Want to Happen to my Junk".
Nicole: Peach and Citrus I can understand. Pine, Lemon, okay.
Nicole: What I want to know is, what do Star Mood, Apple Vif, and Sport smell like?
Nicole: and what IS a vif?
Gina: Do they smell like guido?
Kristin: What? No. We don't need to encourage douchebags to drink more.
Nicole: Mmm, infused with only the best body odor and Axe.
Kristin: Also, hair gel.
Gina: Is that an energy drink? Is it bad that i thought there might be urine in there when i saw it?
Kristin: Omg, you can mix it with Ed Hardy vodka and make douche juice.
Kazh: I hope that's not real gold, otherwise those might look quite garish.
Nicole: At least then you could melt them down.
Kazh: "Frinzy?" Okay now you're just being ridiculous.
Gina: does this mean Ed Hardy killed the Native Americans?
Nicole: Now you have something to wear to church, finally.
Kazh: Or to Gene Simmons's funeral.