A Wedding Registry OR Why Kristin and Nicole Can Never Marry Even Though It Would Be Legal In Their States

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Nicole: This is as good a place to start as any.
Kristin: Ooh, good point.
Nicole: I'm looking for an unnecessary piece of technology that will look ugly mounted on my wall but tell people at the same time that I am incapable of writing a shopping list, and something that will not include my specialized health food items.


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Nicole: Also I don't want to have to breathe in dirty air when I go shopping. Thanks.
Kristin: I know you thought you were marrying me for my cooking skills but it's time to come clean. I can't even cook an egg. But luckily, we can just buy this:

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Nicole: I need this, to go with the expensive watches I wish I could afford:





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Nicole: For the days when our servants are off, I suppose I can cart myself around.



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Kristin: Nicole, I know I could get this whisk for $5:
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Kristin: but it's simply not a $20 Williams and Sonoma whisk:

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Kristin: The price of my whisk is important to me. It's how you know you're successful!
Nicole: I know I'm successful when I don't have to hold my own beer, and I can do it in style.
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Nicole: I SAW THIS INFOMERCIAL LAST NIGHT AND I MUST HAVE ONE.



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Kristin: A $250 utensil for a $12 meal:

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Kristin: I need this. I have no idea what it is, but I don't care. It's $ 800 and I want it:

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Nicole: Just because you saw something on the Iron Chef doesn't mean you should try to do it.
Kristin: MY LIFE IS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT WHEN I'M MARRIED. I WILL SUDDENLY BE ABLE TO COOK FANCY THINGS AND ENTERTAIN MY FRIENDS EVERY SINGLE DAY.



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Kristin: We need this for the 3 Christmases we spend together before we decided to get divorced because I hate you.
Nicole: It seems at this rate we'll get there in half the time.
Nicole: May as well treat yourself to these:
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Kristin: Well you can go ahead and treat yourself to this because I am going to hit you over the head with it:


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Kristin: Also, let's get this. But we can *only* use it to grind nutmeg. No other spices, ok?


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Kristin: We can have nutmeg in EVERYTHING! Then we can finally be happy.
Nicole: I don't golf,

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Nicole: but I think this will be the right size to fit your body in when I find out you've been cheating with the pool boy
Kristin: : ( You know me so well.

Your Sunglasses are Ugly

Sorry for the extended hiatus, life seems to get in the way.
But we're back, in time for the sunny weather!

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Nicole: Look, they circled the logo multiple times to make sure you don't miss it.

Kristin: Paris Hilton would wear something like that

Kristin: Don't you think?

Nicole: I don't think those are hot enough for her

Kristin: I don't know. They're pretty hot.

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Nicole: Life just wouldn't be complete without my Ed Hardy sunglasses.

Kristin: Perfect to accompany you on any daytime date rape at the Jersey Shore.

Nicole: And look, they've got a Swarovski crysyal mermaid, so i can be classy.

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Kristin: These are $4.95, but I feel like they should be free from the DJ while he plays Hot Hot Hot.

Nicole: And puts a plastic lei around your neck.

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Nicole: There is no way these arms can keep these frames on your face.

Kristin: What shape ears do you need to wear those?

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Kristin: I bought you these so you can be like your hero, Kanye.

Kristin: I always wonder how people wear those without walking into stuff. I mean, your vision is half blocked

Nicole: They're for peeping toms who venture into public.

Kristin: Maybe that's why Kayne is so mad. He can't see anything

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Nicole: All they need is for someone to paint "STOP" in the lenses, so you know to avoid anyone wearing them.

Kristin: I feel like they belong to some 58 year old movie producer who tries to sleep with 19-year-old blondes with fake tits.

Kristin: Picture it.

Nicole: With a combover and a bad tan.

Kristin: And a hot tub.

Nicole: And sandals with a suit.

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Nicole: I thought the other ed hardy glasses were ugly...

Kristin: Oh! Ed Hardy's new "Uglier" line.

Kristin: I can't wait for the 2011 Winter Ugliest line.

Nicole: Well, you do need to wear something while you sit in the ski lodge staying warm.

Kristin: You mean these.

Your Ed Hardy Stuff is Ugly.

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Gina: No idea.
Kazh: Well, I have epilepsy now, I hope you're happy.
Kazh: $44? Srsly? Unless it comes with a flux capacitor...
Kristin: I want a flux capacitor


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Kazh: I DO NOT like the way that tiger is eyeballing that kid's junk.
Nicole: He looks ready to attack.
Gina: Haha ew. I cant get past the junk comment.
Kazh: I'm adding "tiger attack" to my list of "Things I Never Want to Happen to my Junk".


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Nicole: Peach and Citrus I can understand. Pine, Lemon, okay.
Nicole: What I want to know is, what do Star Mood, Apple Vif, and Sport smell like?
Nicole: and what IS a vif?
Gina: Do they smell like guido?




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Kristin: What? No. We don't need to encourage douchebags to drink more.
Nicole: Mmm, infused with only the best body odor and Axe.
Kristin: Also, hair gel.


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Gina: Is that an energy drink? Is it bad that i thought there might be urine in there when i saw it?
Kristin: Omg, you can mix it with Ed Hardy vodka and make douche juice.



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Kazh: I hope that's not real gold, otherwise those might look quite garish.
Nicole: At least then you could melt them down.



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Kazh: "Frinzy?" Okay now you're just being ridiculous.
Gina: does this mean Ed Hardy killed the Native Americans?



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Nicole: Now you have something to wear to church, finally.
Kazh: Or to Gene Simmons's funeral.